The Long Way Home
by angst.shipper.21
Summary: Soon after Clarke Griffin realizes her feelings for her best friend, she is in a car accident that puts her in a coma for six years. After waking up, a lot has changed with Bellamy and the rest of her friends. This is her story of finding her way back to herself, and her home.
1. Chapter 1

Hi, everyone. This is new and in the works. I have the storyline finished, but still in the process of writing it. I will try to update weekly, probably on Sunday. I hope you enjoy and the characters are not mine. Please review. Constructive criticism is appreciated.

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Prologue

_He was leaving her. He made a life-changing decision and didn't tell her until it was too late to take back. Bellamy blurted out the words as if they were easy to say; like they didn't change her whole life with the ease of them._

_"Clarke?" he said her name and she wished he hadn't._

_Her eyes stung from tears ready to overflow. Her partner, her best friend, was going overseas to a war and he would be gone for two whole years, and that would just be the first time. Bellamy, her Bellamy, could die. He leaves in a week and that could be the last time she ever sees him, hears his gruff voice that she loves, or smell his smell of old books and sweat. How was this happening?_

_"A week? You wait to tell me until a week before you leave?" Clarke finally manages to say._

_Clarke can feel the tension. His brown eyes widen in surprise and hurt. Why did he always have to be so open with his emotions? They played across his face like a wildfire to dry grass._

_"I didn't know how to tell you-." He started._

_"You didn't know how to tell me?! Since when do you not know how to tell me anything?" Clarke burst. She could feel her anger seeping out of her and venom in her words. When she looked at Bellamy, she knew he sensed it. The words were out. There wasn't any taking them back now._

_"It's easier to tell everyone else. You and O were different. She's my sister and you're my best friend, Clarke," Bellamy said softly. The way he said it, so softly, she knew that she understood, but her anger would not dissipate. She was so hurt and everything was about to change._

_"How could you leave me…-us?" she burst out. Clarke had to change the pronoun. If she meant it as she meant it in her heart, then words and feelings she had left so closely to her heart and soul would be out. Then he would know how she truly felt, and Bellamy could not know. If Bellamy knew, then things really would change._

_Clarke finally met his dark stare. His eyes were watery. Clearly, this was why he held off on telling her in the first place. Did he know? She thought with a panic. Clarke quickly tried to compose herself. She wiped her tears that had fallen and steeled her gaze. She could not show weakness, because he would figure it out._

_"I'm sorry, but I need to do this," he said softly, but with determination. That was it. His mind was made up. There was nothing she could do, and she just had to accept it._

_Clarke nodded and asked quietly, "Will you write me?"_

_"Of course and you better write me," he replied with a gruff laugh. Clarke knew a hug was coming, but she quickly walked past him. She needed to distance herself. This was not healthy for her mental state._

_"I have to go. I was supposed to pick up Raven thirty minutes ago," Clarke said distantly with her back to him. She threw on her coat and went to grab the door handle._

_"Clarke?" Bellamy asked. She knew he was confused but she had to get away. She quickly went out to his apartment door and away from the man she is in love with._

* * *

_Raven was sitting on the couch watching some car show when Clarke came into their apartment. Her mind was reeling from her conversation with Bellamy and the emotions that came with it._

_"How'd it go?" Raven asked from the couch. Clarke was hurt that she was the last to know about Bellamy's decision, and no one had told her about it._

_"Great, just great," Clarke answered snippily as she pulled out a bottle of wine from the fridge and began drinking it straight from the bottle._

_Raven made her way into the kitchen and gave her a look with a reply, "I can see that."_

_Clarke set the bottle down at their kitchen counter and dropped herself onto one of the stools. She gave out a big sigh and said, "Why didn't you tell me?"_

_Raven nodded and said, "It wasn't my place, Clarke. I wanted to, believe me, but I couldn't."_

_Clarke rolled her blue eyes and took another big swig of the wine. Her heart hurt. It hurt so much it felt like it might burst any minute._

_Raven put her hands over Clarke's and said, "You know I'm right. What's really wrong?"_

_Clarke always kept herself composed. She never, hardly ever, let anything out. All of these pent-up emotions were about to explode out of her if she didn't let it out. Raven would be a good person to tell. She was one of her best friends and it would feel nice to share this huge piece of herself._

_"I'm in love with Bellamy," she blurted out._

_No surprise crossed Raven's face, but a smile did instead and she said, "It's about damn time!"_

_Clarke's eyes widened at her in shock and horror. Raven knew? If she knew then who else knew? She started to panic at the thought of Bellamy knowing. Maybe that was why he was leaving?_

_"You-You knew?" Clarke stammered._

_"Of course, I knew. I've known for a couple of years now-."_

_"Years?! I'm that obvious?" Clarke's face was beat red, she knew._

_Raven squeezed her hand and replied, "You've both been pretty obvious over the years."_

_Clarke was pretty sure she'd stopped breathing._

_"Bellamy is in love with you too, Clarke. How can you not see that?" Raven asked exasperatedly. "You two are the only ones that are clueless."_

_"Wait a minute," Clarke said, "everyone knows?"_

_"Yes, even Murphy figured it out before you," Raven replied with a laugh._

_Clarke's head was spinning. She knew it took her a while to figure it out for herself. It had been a couple months ago at a Christmas party and they were joking back and forth when he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and their eyes met. She remembered thinking of how blind she was. Bellamy, with curls and soft eyes, had been there with her this entire time. It had always been Bellamy, even during Finn and Lexa. He was the only one she could be vulnerable with and the only one who understood her._

_"Bellamy doesn't have feelings for me-." Clarke started but Raven interrupted her by saying, "Yes he does. I knew you were going to say that."_

_Clarke shook her head and said, "Even if he did, which he does not, we couldn't go there. It could ruin what we already have."_

_Raven groaned and said, "Clarke! You two have been inseparable for years now and Bellamy is leaving. Everything is going to change anyway, so why not just tell him how you feel?"_

_Clarke imagined telling him. She imagined his face and him returning her feelings and sharing them with her as well. All of the untold truths and being together, simply being able to say, 'I love you'. It sounded like a fairy tale and Clarke did not believe in fairy tales._

_"Look, if I'm wrong, which I'm not by the way, he is leaving and will be gone for a good two years. That gives both of you plenty of time to get over the awkwardness and to resolve your friendship and move on," Raven said._

_Clarke took in her words. Maybe Raven was right? She let out a big sigh and felt her heart hammering in her chest. She took another big swig of the wine and looked down at her phone. She had several missed calls from Bellamy and texts. Her stomach was in knots. She needed to just tell him, but it had to be in person._

_Clarke's determined stare met Raven's dark eyes and said, "Let's go."_

_A bright smile broke out across Raven's face and she clapped her on the shoulder._

_"That's my girl!"_

_Raven grabbed her keys to her old remodeled 1965 Chevy Impala, which was her most prized possession. They grabbed their coats and then were on their way to Bellamy._

_Once Raven was driving and they were on their way, Clarke felt like she was going to throw up. She was fidgeting with her hands and Raven said, "I know you got this, Clarke."_

_Clarke gave her a shaky smile and asked, "Do you really think he feels the same, Raven?"_

_Raven met her stare for a second then turned her dark gaze back to the road._

_"Remember that day at the beach a couple of years ago? When we all decided to go camping after Freshman year was over?" Raven asked her._

_Clarke nodded. That was not long after Clarke and Raven had become friends. Earlier that year Clarke had been dating Finn and it turned out that he had a girlfriend, Raven, who was studying abroad. It was awful when she found out because it was right after she told him she loved him. The devastation and the heartbreak did not stop hurting until long afterwards, but she and Raven became very good friends after the ordeal, and she would be grateful for it. The beach day was fun, and she remembered still being upset about Finn._

_After Raven seen that she remembered she continued, "We were laughing at Monty and Jasper because they were drunk, and I happened to look over at Bellamy. He wasn't laughing, but he was looking at you. I realized that was the first time you had laughed in such a long time and the way he was looking at you, I don't know, Clarke, I just knew. You took his breath away."_

_Clarke felt herself blush and wished she could have seen that look on Bellamy's face for herself. Maybe she had? Maybe she just never noticed, or never allowed herself to notice before? Maybe if every one of their friends could see the love they had for each other, then it was real, and true._

_Clarke smiled at Raven and said, "Thank you for this, Raven."_

_Before Raven could respond, something slammed into them. Neither had time to react from the impact. Clarke met Raven's eyes as she felt herself and the vehicle rolling and then everything went black._


	2. Chapter 2

Hi, everyone! Back again and sooner than I thought! This chapter was a tough one for me. I do not know a whole lot about medical terminology or how comas work so I hope this wasn't too bad for you guys. I did my best and hopefully I improve and continue to improve. Thank you for the follows, favorite, and the one review from MeelsFarrow101! This story is very special to me and I do not plan to stop writing it. I hope to update weekly and I will try my absolute best to do so for you guys! I work full time and have a 9 month old son, so if I'm a little late, that is most likely why. Please review! I don't own the characters.

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Chapter 1

_You're Really Here _

2,199 days. 6 years, 1 week, and 2 days… That was how long Clarke Griffin was simply gone. Her body lay in a hospital bed, but her essence and her fighting spirit, was gone. The doctors had tried everything to wake her up and nothing worked. Her mom, Abby, was still fighting for a way to get her back, but she was running on fumes and was almost to a point where she needed to pull the plug.

Bellamy Blake was just outside of her room to the hospital. He always felt so sick coming here. He did not get to come very often, since he was gone quite a lot for the military, but when he did come home, this was one of his first stops. He had changed out of his uniform and was in one of his old favorite blue shirts and a pair of jeans. His hair was ragged from being overseas and not being able to cut it. He was finally finished with his six years of service and honestly, Bellamy didn't know what he wanted to do with his life now. Ever since the accident, without Clarke, everything felt without a purpose.

Bellamy did not bother to knock and opened the door. He took a deep breath and finally was met with the sight of Clarke Griffin. Things were different. Someone had recently cut her hair short and her eyes were still closed. It was so hard not seeing her eyes, not meeting them from across a room with a knowing look so he knew someone understood.

He sat down in the chair next to her bedside and he could already feel his throat closing up from the raw emotion of seeing her again. He missed her eyes, they were the color of the oceans, and he missed her voice and the way she said his name. He missed her laugh, God, did he miss her laugh. He just missed Clarke Griffin. The shell that was lying on the hospital bed made his heart hurt more than it helped. Some nights he would think and hope that her mom would just pull the plug, so that what if and hope was not hanging over his head and thoughts at every second of every day. She was gone, but her ghost was always there, waiting.

"Hey," Bellamy said softly, "I know it's been a while. I'm finally home for good."

There was no movement. He grabbed her hand and his hands swallowed her small ones. Sometimes he forgot how small her hands were. He squeezed her hand and said, "I'm sorry. I don't know how else to truly say it, Clarke. I'm finally home and I wish you were here."

"There's so much that's happened, so much that I have needed to tell you."

He bit his lip and said, "I just hope that you can forgive me."

Bellamy felt her hand twitch. His heart stopped beating and he looked at her eyes suddenly. Was that a flutter? Was he imagining things? Her hand gripped his tightly and he looked at the small appendage in awe. He didn't know if his heart was beating or if it was just beating too fast to really feel it, but he let out a breath that he had been holding. He needed to remember how to breathe. Was this really happening?

"Clarke?" Bellamy asked softly.

Her eyelids fluttered again and then they were open. Bellamy Blake was pretty sure there was never going to be anything more beautiful than those eyes and seeing them again. Then he came undone. He pressed every button he could and yelled, "She's awake! Somebody!"

Clarke was just staring, not moving. Why wasn't she moving? Bellamy put both his hands on either side of her face and said, "Clarke, please, princess, please respond."

At that, doctors and nurses were coming into her room and checking her vitals. One doctor put the flashlight in her eyes, and they did not move from Bellamy's face. Panic started to set into him. What was wrong?

"What's going on?" Bellamy heard himself shout.

One of the doctors looked at him and said, "We will need to run some tests, but it looks like your friend has awoken from her coma, but due to her being in this vegetative state for so long, we don't know what kind of damage this has done to her."

Bellamy felt the hot tears running down his cheeks. He cradled her face and never left her stare and said, "Clarke, it's Bellamy, I'm here. _I'm here._"

He could've sworn he saw recognition in those deep pools. There had to be. She was finally back, so she had to be really back, didn't she?

She could see him. It felt like a dream, but she knew it was reality. Everything was blinding at first. She wanted so badly to grab him and never let go, but she couldn't move. All she could do was grip his hand in hers and stare at him. It was enough, because it was better than just hearing before. Flashes of words would come back to her, and voices. How long had she been asleep?

Clarke Griffin felt her hand twitch, but that was all, and Bellamy gave her hand a squeeze. She noticed the facial hair first, and then his ragged brown locks. He looked older. She could see it in his eyes. He was still handsome, but she knew it had been longer than days or hours since she had last seen him.

"Clarke! Clarke, baby!"

It was her mom. Abby Griffin came striding into the room. Her hair was in disarray and she also looked older. Her hair was longer and there were more wrinkles around her brown eyes. Clarke could feel herself start to panic. She felt a tear leak from her eye and Bellamy quickly, and quietly wiped it away.

Her mom came to her side as well and said, "It's going to be okay, Clarke. It's going to be okay…."

Abby turned to one of the other doctors and they quietly filled her in on what has transpired. They talked about options as if Clarke herself was not sitting there, suffering, and waiting to know what would happen with her. At that, Bellamy said gruffly, "What's the plan here? She's scared."

Clarke felt herself choking up at him understanding her, even in this state and that was when she realized the feeding tube that was in her throat. Then she proceeded to choke and Abby started to cry. One doctor started to take the feeding tube out and Bellamy asked, "What's happening? Is she okay?"

A doctor touched his shoulder and said, "Maybe you shouldn't be here, son."

"I am _not_ leaving."

"Bellamy, this is a good sign. It means she is breathing on her own," Abby said with a bright smile on her face.

The feeding tube was out fairly quickly and Clarke coughed a couple of times. Bellamy was in a trance watching her chest rise and fall on its own. He was still in tremendous shock that this was happening. He thought his best friend was lost forever, but here he was, standing next to her and looking into her deep pools. He was astounded.

Her hand moved out slightly. Clarke was reaching for him. She needed to feel his touch, so he could keep her grounded. He gripped her hand again and she blinked at him a few times. She wanted to move. She wanted to hug him like her life depended on it, and maybe it did?

Abby came to her other side and said, "Clarke, can you answer some questions with blinks for me?"

"One blink for yes and two blinks for no."

Clarke blinked once and she saw Bellamy and her mother smile. She saw tears. She felt so many emotions bubbling inside of her and around her from two of her most important people.

"Are you in pain?"

Clarke blinked twice. She felt sore and stiff, but she did not feel any pain. In fact, slowly but surely, she was starting to feel things again.

"Do you remember your name?"

She blinked once. She knew exactly who she was. She was Clarke Griffin.

"That's good baby. That's really good," Abby said, emotion thick in her voice.

Clarke answered a series of questions with her blinks and she soon grew very tired. Panic set in. She didn't want to go back to the darkness. What if she didn't wake up? What if it all stayed dark again?

"What's wrong?" Bellamy asked, with a fraction of franticness in his voice.

Abby stroked Clarke's face and said, "I know you're scared, and we are too, but you need to rest. It has been hours now. You will wake up. I promise you that."

Bellamy looked to Abby and asked, "Are you sure?"

Abby nodded and said, "Yes, she has made progress."

The exhaustion grew on Clarke and her eyes felt so very heavy. She had been fighting it for about an hour now. She never wanted to close her eyes, and no one had told her long she had been out for yet. There were so many unanswered questions. How would she overcome this fear of sleep?

Clarke Griffin did not have much time to think on the matter because she drifted off to unending nothingness once again.

* * *

Clarke felt herself stir into consciousness once again, to her tremendous relief. It was a little dark in the room she was in. She looked to her right and saw Bellamy sleeping in a chair beside her bed. Now she had a chance to really look at him.

The Bellamy she knew used to be clean-shaven and with shorter hair. His dark hair looked ragged and even in his sleep, he looked exhausted. He was still breathtaking, even with all the changes. She remembered, faintly, that the last time they seen each other, it was an argument. Clarke could not remember exactly what was said or what happened after that, and that scared her a bit.

Clarke blinked a few times and wiggled her fingers and toes. She moved her extremities little by little. She wanted to talk. There were so many things that she needed to say.

Clarke moved her lips, but nothing came out. She tried a few more times and became quite frustrated with herself. She tried one last time.

"…..Bell….B-Bellamy…" Clarke felt the tears form in her eyes. Her voice was rough and gravelly, but it was hers and it worked.

Bellamy's eyes suddenly opened and he was instantly leaning forwards and by her side. There were so many emotions playing themselves across his face. The biggest one was, relief.

"Clarke?" he questioned.

"B-Bellamy," she said again and a small smile displayed itself beautifully across her face.

She heard a choking sound come from Bellamy and then his strong arms were around her, gripping onto her for dear life. She felt more sobs escape him and vibrate into her chest, straight to her heart. Soon enough, she was sobbing as well. It was like a dam let loose and her arms wrapped around him as well, holding on with all of her might. She never wanted to let go, and she never wanted him to let her go.

Bellamy drew back, but still held her tight. She gripped his blue shirt, an old one that she remembered, and met his dark brown eyes. His handsome face was tear-stained, and fresh ones were forming in his eyes. Clarke was sure she, herself, looked a mess, but she didn't care because Bellamy was here and he was okay.

Bellamy gripped her face with his large hands. Looking at her in wonder. He wiped her tears and asked, "Are you in pain?"

Clarke shook her head and managed to say, "You're really here?"

Bellamy nodded and that was all she needed before she was grasping at him again. He grounded her, kept her centered. She finally felt safe.

Abby Griffin walked in on their moment. They pulled away from each other. Abby's eyes filled with tears when she saw her precious daughter sitting up and moving. She almost dropped the coffees that were in her hands. She went on a coffee run and her daughter woke up. She was upset with herself for missing it.

"M-Mom…" Clarke said through sobs. Abby rushed to her daughter and hugged her fiercely. She had almost given up hope. She thought this day might never come, but it did.

Clarke's doctors, put her through several tests. They checked her out completely and concluded that she was very healthy considering how long she was in a coma for. She still could not remember all that had happened that day of the accident, but she remembered everything else. The doctors left her with her mom and Bellamy to tell her everything and fill her in on all of her questions, now that they had established that she was stable enough to take the tough answers.

Bellamy and Abby met each other's eyes and then looked to Clarke. Clarke was scared to ask, but she needed to know regardless.

"How long have I been in a coma for?"

Her mom squeezed her hand and said, "6 years, sweetie."

"2,199 days," Bellamy said not long after her mom. Clarke looked at him. The way he said it, like he had kept track of every single day, made tears well up in her eyes. Six years of her life? Six years of her life had been taken from her? What had she missed? Was everyone she loved okay?

Clarke bit her lip and asked, "What happened?"

Abby turned to Bellamy for this one and he said, "You and Raven were in an accident in her car-."

"Is Raven okay?!" Clarke exclaimed. Immediately she was extremely worried. If she had been this bad, then what about Raven? Did she make it? Her heart was about to plummet at the thought of it.

Bellamy nodded and said, "Raven is okay. She is doing great actually. She owns her own mechanic and autobody shop. She did get injured pretty badly from the wreck. She was thrown from the vehicle and she doesn't have full use of her leg, but that doesn't stop her. She wanted to come and see you, all of them did, as soon as they heard the news, but we had to make sure you were stable enough for that."

Clarke's mind was reeling. She was still in her mind space of six years ago. Six years ago her and Raven were roommates and she worked for a mechanic shop and Clarke was doing art, but also had just been accepted into medical school. What would she do now? How could she just pick up where she left off? What about everyone else?

"How is everyone else? Tell me everything." Clarke said urgently.

"O is doing great as well. Her and Lincoln were married a couple of years ago. She still boxes and Lincoln has his art studio. Murphy is Murphy, but him and Emori just broke up a couple of months ago," Bellamy met her stare and continued, "Monty and Jasper bought the Ark after it went out of business and they own it now. Monty and Harper were married last year, and they just had a baby boy and named him Jordan. Jasper is still coping after Maya's death."

Clarke felt overwhelmed. She missed so much of their lives. So many big moments she would have loved to have been apart of, heartaches she wanted to help soothe, and beautiful moments that she would never get a second chance at. She felt it consuming her.

"Clarke, honey, I know this is a lot to take in," her mom said softly.

Clarke nodded and asked, "What about you, Mom?"

Abby bit her lip and said, "Me and Kane have been wanting to get married but have put it off since your accident. I just had so much hope you would return to me. I didn't want you to miss it. I've been working and I'm just so glad you're back."

Clarke felt some tears roll down her cheeks and she said, "I'm glad I'm back too."

She turned to Bellamy. He was so much harder to look at and talk to. So many emotions that felt all-consuming.

"What about you? I know we were arguing the day of the accident. I need to know what happened, Bell."

Bellamy gritted his teeth and then looked over at Abby, "Would you mind giving us a minute?"

Abby nodded and said, "Of course."

She kissed Clarke on the cheek and said, "I'll be back."

Abby gave Bellamy a look and they shared a quick understanding and then she left the room to give them the privacy that they needed.

Bellamy turned back to Clarke and said, "I joined the military and I didn't tell you until a week before I was about to leave. You were upset with me, understandably so."

Clarke nodded. She remembered some bits and pieces of the emotional conversation. She remembered the hurt that she felt and then grew scared that he would figure out that she had feelings for him.

"I know this must have been hard for you," Clarke said, "I'm really sorry."

Bellamy shook his head and held her hand. "There is no need for you to apologize, Clarke. I'm the one who is sorry."

Clarke shook her head and asked, "What about you? Tell me what I've missed."

Clarke noticed Bellamy's knee bobbing and he was biting his lip. There was something he was holding back from her. She was almost too scared to know. In a way, he was a stranger to her, and she was a ghost to him that had come back from the grave. How would they go from here?

"I served active duty with some home visits for six years. I just finished my service and I came here to visit you. I always visited you when I got to come home. I've kept myself busy and it's been rough, without you," he said.

Clarke couldn't imagine what he had been through while she was gone. How hard it must have been for him. Clarke could feel her heart beating. She felt so emotional ever since she woke up and she just didn't want to waste anymore time. She wanted to tell him everything; tell him what he meant to her and how she truly feels.

"Bellamy, I-."

"I'm engaged," he said at the same time as she almost told him she loves him.

Clarke thought she stopped breathing. He was engaged. How? When? Where? Of course, it had been six years and he was such a great guy. Of course he would find someone to love and someone to love him. Her heart ached; everything ached.

"I met her during my time in the service. She's really great. Her name is Echo," Bellamy said casually.

Clarke bit her lip and her eyes stung, but she held it all in. She made sure none of her broken pieces showed and said, "Congratulations, Bellamy. I'm really happy for you."

He gave her a small, sideways smile and said, "Thank you."

Clarke hoped she sounded genuine, because she was but she hoped that he did not notice the pain in her voice when she said it. She tried to sound as neutral and happy for him as she possibly could.

Clarke smiled and asked, "So when's the wedding?"

"In six months," Bellamy answered.

Clarke gave a tight-lipped smile and nodded. Six months? She wished she was well enough to run from this conversation so she yawned heavily, and it was not faked because she could feel how tired she was. She squeezed Bellamy's large hand and said, "I'm really happy for you, truly, but I'm exhausted."

Bellamy nodded and said, "I'll let you get your rest. The others will be here tomorrow to see you, if that's all right?"

Clarke nodded and said, "Yes."

Bellamy stood up and looked like he wanted to touch her in some way, but refrained himself. As he was walking towards the door, he turned and said, "Thank you, Clarke."

"For what?" she asked.

"For coming back. I-I finally feel…._alive_ again. So thank you for that."

Clarke could feel tears welling up in her eyes. After everything, he was still her best friend, her person. They still needed each other and that was the greatest gift he could ever have given her. She could feel some of her pain ebb itself away because, even if a lot changed, their bond would forever hold true. Time, people, nor space could take that away from them.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi, I'm back guys with another chapter. This one is slightly shorter than the last, but very emotional. There is not a bellarke scene but mainly with her friends. I hope you enjoy. Thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate them so much! I'll try to keep doing the weekly updates for you guys. :)

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Chapter 2

_We Missed You_

Clarke could feel that it was still fairly early. Her mother was asleep in a cot beside her hospital bed, which she was tired of being in, and she did not want to wake her. She knew her mother was exhausted, and Clarke did not want to disturb her.

She was feeling anxious about seeing her friends today. She was most worried about seeing Raven again. Did Raven blame her for the accident? Bellamy and her mother assured her that was not the case but Clarke could not help but swell with the guilt of it. Everyone had moved on after the accident and she didn't know where she belonged in their story anymore, if at all.

Clarke just wanted a shower. Her mom had given her a sponge bath and she wanted to feel the warm water wash away everything. She slowly sat up. She knew her body was still weak, but she wanted to do this on her own. Clarke carefully swung each of her legs over the side of the bed and gripped onto the metal bars with her hands. The cold, tile of the hospital floor was freezing to her feet and she wished she had a pair of socks on. She sucked in a breath, but relished she could feel the cold at all, and put some weight on her feet. She felt her legs wobble, but they did not buckle. Clarke felt a smile spread across her face at her small triumph and started to make steps around the bed while still hanging onto it for safety.

Clarke made it to the end of the bed and looked from it to the bathroom door. She steeled herself with determination and took her first step while letting go of the bed. She was stiff, and it was slightly painful, but she made it to the door, slowly. Clarke kept her breathing even and opened the door as quietly as she could without losing her balance.

She closed the door behind her, and gripped the sink, then was met with her own reflection staring back at her. To say she was shocked at what she saw, would be an understatement. Her once long, golden waves were chopped off to her shoulders and were a frizzed mess. Her hair had grown a little darker from never being outside in the sun and she was pale, so pale. Clarke was much smaller than she had ever been in her adult life. It felt like seeing a zombie in her reflection. Her eyes even looked older. How odd it was to wake up and to have aged six years. It was almost too much to fathom.

Clarke took a breath and moved to the shower. She turned on the water and adjusted the knob to the temperature that she wanted. She removed her hospital gown and the diaper she was wearing. Clarke was honestly glad nobody could see her. She felt so ashamed of it all.

Once in the shower, she moaned being under the warm water. Steam was already in the bathroom and she relished in it. She used the bottled shampoo and conditioner on her hair and washed up her body. Then her mind started to wander to Bellamy. It always came back to Bellamy.

He was engaged. That simple fact proved how much everyone's lives had moved on without her. Time waited for no one, and it left her with a punch to the gut. Clarke felt like she had wasted so much time even before her coma. She should have told Bellamy how she felt. If she did, then her and Raven would never have been in that car and the accident wouldn't have happened.

The tears started to pour from her blue eyes, and they mixed with the water from the shower. Sobs started to shake her small frame and Clarke Griffin slid down to the floor of the bathtub. She let the warmth from the shower consume her and finally let the sobs shake her to her core. She let it all out, hoping it make her feel a little less.

* * *

Clarke Griffin fidgeted with the clothes she was wearing. It was an old pair of sweats that were hers, but much too big now and a blue long-sleeved shirt that was also a little big. Her mom gripped her hands in hers and said, "If this is too much, then we can wait, honey."

Clarke shook her head and that caused some of her hair to fall into her eyes.

"No, I need to see them," Clarke responded determinedly.

Abby nodded and said, "Okay."

A knock came on the door. Clarke's heart started to pound, and her stomach was doing flips. She felt like she might throw up.

"Come in," Abby said loudly so whoever was on the other side of the door could hear.

The door opened and then Clarke saw Monty, Harper and Jasper. Tears already filled her eyes and instantly Harper was crying and hugging her. Clarke cried with her and gripped onto her tightly. Monty was holding something, and he set it down and made his way to hug them as well. Jasper joined and they were all hugging each other. There were tears and Harper said, "I'm so happy you're back."

A sob escaped Clarke and she cursed herself for more tears. This was much more than she expected. She could feel so much love pouring into her from them. She could feel the pain they felt from missing her and more guilt consumed her.

After a while, they all pulled away from each other and laughed a bit. They all wiped away their tear-stained faces and Monty said, "We missed you, Clarke."

"I'm sorry," was all Clarke could say.

"What's that?" Clarke pointed to a book of some kind Monty was holding.

Monty smiled and handed it to her, "Oh yeah. We thought it would be good for you to see one of the books we put together for you. This is ours for you. We kept up with it throughout the years so you wouldn't miss out on anything."

Clarke bit her lip. She felt so loved. It was a photo album. It was leather bound and at the center of the cover was a group photo of all of them. At the center was her and Bellamy. He had his arm around her shoulder, and she was tucked into his side. Her head was bent into his shoulder and chest, laughing. Bellamy had his face next to her head laughing as well. Next to Bellamy was Murphy and he had his arm around Bellamy, and Bellamy had his free arm around Murphy. Murphy had his tongue sticking out in the midst of a laugh. Next to Clarke was Raven and she was laughing as well leaning forward grabbing at her own stomach. Monty and Harper were standing next to her. Harper was planting a kiss on Monty's cheek and Emori was next to Murphy doing the same thing. Octavia and Lincoln were next to Emori kissing, which wasn't surprising. It was their whole group at the beach. It was her family.

Clarke felt the tears filling in her eyes as she looked up at her friends, "Thank you so much. This means so much to me."

Harper bit her lip and said, "We never stopped thinking about you. You were always with us."

Clarke thought her heart would swell and burst with the force of love that she felt for her friends. Some of her fears of them forgetting her and moving on dissipated and she felt so much relief. She felt important.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I was gone. I'm sorry that this happened."

Jasper shook his head and said, "It's not your fault. Shit happens and we are just glad you're here."

Clarke nodded and opened the photo album. There was so much to look at. The years seemed to pass as she looked at the photos. She saw a picture of Maya and saw Jasper's face while looking at it. The pain he must feel, she couldn't imagine. Her heart went out to him. She saw pictures of Monty proposing to Harper and their small ceremony at Monty's parent's farm. It was beautiful. Lincoln and Octavia's wedding was beautiful. She stumbled across a picture of Octavia and Bellamy dancing together, and Clarke choked down a sob. It was such a beautiful moment, so many beautiful moments that she missed out on and could never get back.

Clarke turned another page and came across a picture of Harper and her arms were circled around the swell of her belly. She looked to Harper and she smiled at her widely, her eyes bright with love. Soon she was seeing pictures of a new addition to the family. Jordan McIntyre Green made his appearance into their lives two years ago. He was perfect. Had a head full of Monty's hair, but Harper's soft eyes. He was a perfect mix of his parents.

"We wanted to bring him to meet you, but we didn't know if that would be too much," Monty said quietly.

"I can't wait to meet him," Clarke said and felt fresh tears fall from her eyes.

A knock sounded on the door and Abby said, "Come in."

Clarke didn't know who it would be but was pleasantly surprised that it was Octavia, Lincoln and Emori. Her heart was so happy to see them. Lincoln had aged well and so had Octavia. Her hair was cut to her shoulders instead of her long dark hair. She had a few tattoos that looked similar to Lincoln's and she looked even more in shape than before. Emori looked good as well. She hung back a bit but said, "I'm glad you're okay, Clarke."

Octavia rushed to her and wrapped her in a fierce hug. Her hugs were similar to her brother's, because they both loved so passionately. Clarke hugged her back and Octavia said, "Thank god! I've missed you so much!"

Clarke nodded and squeezed her a little tighter. Octavia finally let her go and Lincoln hugged her as well.

"I see they brought you one of the photo albums?" Octavia asked while looking down at the pictures they were all looking through when they arrived.

Clarke nodded and said, "I'm glad you guys took so many photos. I've missed so much, and this helps."

Murphy showed up not long after them and he even gave Clarke a fierce and hug and said that he missed her as well. Clarke and her friends visited for a while. Her mom went to go grab some food and shower and they eventually started to head out. As they were leaving, Raven came.

Clarke met Raven's dark eyes and guilt instantly consumed her when she saw the brace on Raven's athletic leg and how Raven walked with a limp. Clarke's eyes filled with tears for the hundredth time today and she said, "Raven, I'm….I'm so sorry-."

Raven shook her head and said, "No, I'm sorry, Clarke."

Raven made her way to Clarke and hugged her tenderly. She hugged her as if she might disappear any second and then they pulled away from each other after a long embrace. Clarke seen the tears that cascaded down Raven's cheeks, and she knew they matched her own.

"It's my fault that you got hurt. It's my fault that we were even going anywhere-."

"No, don't go there, Clarke. I should have told you about Bellamy when I found out."

Clarke bit her lip, and even though she knew Raven was genuine in her feelings, her guilt would not ebb from her conscious. Clarke did not know if it ever would.

"Bellamy told me you have your own shop now?" Clarke asked.

A proud smile spread across her face and she said, "Yeah. I just opened it about six months ago and business is booming. It's awesome."

Clarke smiled and said, "I'm so proud of you and happy for you, Raven."

"Thank you."

What Clarke wanted to ask Raven had been on her mind for quite some time. Raven knew about her feelings for Bellamy. She faintly remembered telling her before they left to go to Bellamy. She needed to know if Raven told him. She needed to know if Bellamy knew.

"Did you tell Bellamy?"

Raven shook her head and said, "No, I couldn't. He was so heartbroken, Clarke. I couldn't add to that heartbreak by telling him that."

Clarke nodded and asked, "Have you met his fiancé?"

Raven nodded and said, "Yes, and I like her, but I don't know if she's the best match for him."

Raven seen the look Clarke was giving her and she added, "I'm not just saying that because of you. I'm saying that because their relationship lacks a vulnerability and openness that Bellamy needs. I think she's a great girl, but not great for him."

Clarke bit her lip and said, "What do I do?"

Raven puffed air and said, "It's a very tricky, emotional mess. I think you need to see where you are before you act on anything. But once you know what you feel, then act. You've lost enough time, Clarke."

Clarke nodded and said, "I…I just don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have. I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore. I've caused so much pain."

Raven gripped her hand and said, "No. You were in a coma. You didn't leave us intentionally. Yes, it was painful, but if you could, you would have been here. You are here now. You have to stop beating yourself up for our pain over the loss of you."

Clarke sniffled and wiped at her eyes. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The day was taking its toll on her.

"Where do I go from here?" she felt so lost.

Raven hugged her again and said, "You just take it step by step. I'll be there every step of the way with you."

For the first time since awaking from her coma, Clarke was able to fall asleep without her knowledge and easily while visiting and talking to Raven.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello, everyone. Back again. I want to thank you to those that have reviewed this story. It really motivates me to keep updating and working hard on this. Thanks a million! Here's the new chapter as promised. :D

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Chapter 3

_Hey _

Seeing the outside for the first time was loud, and almost too much to take in all at once. The city was alive and moving. There were people everywhere and the noises were making Clarke's head hurt. She may have wanted out of the hospital more than anything, but what she would give for its quietness right now.

Abby Griffin turned and looked at her daughter with a worried expression. Marcus Kane, her mom's fiancé, was just finishing putting her hospital bag into their car. Before her accident, her mom had just started dating Kane so she did not know him very well. The awkwardness was palpable.

"Are you okay, honey?" her mother asked her.

Clarke nodded hurriedly. She did not want her mother to think that she needed to go back to the hospital. "I'm fine, Mom."

Abby gave her a tight-lipped smile. Clarke got into the vehicle and Abby shut the door behind her. Once in the vehicle, Clarke's anxiety about the last time she was in a vehicle came on full throttle. Her heart started to race, and her headache increased. She felt as if she might throw up. She tried to keep her breathing even.

"We have all of your stuff back at our townhouse. Some of it is boxed up, but you have your essentials," Abby said.

Clarke nodded and said, "Thanks, Mom."

Clarke had only seen Bellamy twice since she woke up from her coma. Neither of those times were they able to speak privately. She had yet to meet his infamous fiancé, who everyone seemed to love. Her heart and brain were at war with themselves about what they should do regarding the certain curly haired man. Six years was a long time to be separated. It gave plenty of time for life to go on without you being a part of it. Who were they to each other now? Clarke missed so much of his adult life, and even if she was just picking up where she left off, he was six years ahead of her.

Clarke kept her eyes closed for most of the trip to her mom and Kane's house. It seemed to help her. Her room was nice and simple. Her hands traced over pictures of her friends and family. Her art supplies were on her desk. Her blue eyes roamed over the medical textbooks for med school. This room was like six years never happened. Even though Clarke had been living with Raven, her mom brought all her stuff over here. Raven and Emori were roommates now, and they lived in a different apartment above Raven's shop.

Clarke looked at her desk again. She opened one of her sketchbooks. On one of the last pages she saw an unfinished drawing. It was a picture of Bellamy. She bit her lip. She had been working on it the day of the accident. She shut the sketchbook and her mind from her thoughts about him for now.

Her phone buzzed. It was a newer one than the one she had before. Her mom gave it to her yesterday. She had texts from Raven, Octavia and Bellamy.

_Wanna hang out tonight? -Raven_

_You need to come out with us tonight! -Octavia_

_How are you? -Bellamy _

Clarke bit her lip and tried to decide how she would respond to these messages. She missed her friends and they seemed to want to see her and spend time with her. She had already missed so much, so she felt like she needed to go, even if she was anxious just thinking about leaving the house. She did not even know how to respond to Bellamy, or if she should at all.

_Yes. Help me find something to wear. -Clarke _

She sent that message as a group chat to Raven and Octavia. The world itself, and society changed a lot in the six years she was sleeping away. She had no idea what to wear or what drinks she should order anymore. What other new things were there for her to see? Her phone itself amazed her with what it could do. All the technology. She had social media accounts before and now she had them on her phone instead of getting on her computer for them.

_On my way! -Raven_

_We will be there in a minute! -Octavia_

Clarke sighed and tried to figure out what she should say to Bellamy.

_Still awake so doing good. _Clarke texted back Bellamy. Her heart pounded as she watched the little dots that formed after her message went through.

_I'm glad. See you tonight? -Bellamy _

Clarke sighed and texted him back saying he would. Clarke riffled through her closet, trying to find something she could possibly wear. Luckily, ten minutes later, Raven and Octavia were knocking on her door.

"So how excited are you for tonight? On a scale of 1 to not." Raven asked her.

Clarke shrugged and said, "It will be nice to see everyone. It's just easier hiding here in this room."

Octavia grabbed a black, lace cocktail dress and threw it at Clarke. "Nice! Try this one on!"

Clarke looked at it as she caught it. It was pretty and would hug her figure nicely. It must be something new that her mom put in her closet because she did not remember it. She went and tried it on, and she thought it looked nice. It showed a little cleavage. She saw her hair and it was a tangled mess.

"That's the one!" Raven shouted.

Octavia nodded and Clarke asked, "Do you really think so? It's only the first thing I tried on. Maybe it's a little too much? Where are we even going?"

Octavia waved her hands and said, "No, it's perfect! We're going to Bell's engagement party at Jasper and Monty's bar. It's going to be so much fun!"

Clarke felt herself pale at the idea of going to Bellamy's engagement party. She had no idea that's what she was invited to. She met Raven's eyes with a panicked expression. Now she finally took a better look at Raven and Octavia. They were both dressed up as well. Raven was in a red, sleeve-less jumpsuit and high heels. Her hair was slicked back into a ponytail and it flowed down her back beautifully. She had red lipstick on, and her make-up looked amazing. Octavia was in blue dress that showed off her nice legs. The dress brought out her eyes and she was wearing heels as well. Her short, shoulder length hair was straight and looked sleek. Her makeup had a smoky look to it.

"We need to do your hair," Octavia said.

Raven came up to her and combed through her blonde waves. She put half of her hair up in a top knot on her head. Then Octavia put some make up on her face and around her eyes. When they were done, Clarke looked at herself in the mirror and actually liked what she saw. Her stomach was still in knots from the thoughts of going to Bellamy's engagement party.

"What do you think?" Raven asked.

Clarke gave her friends a small smile, and said, "I like it."

The girls took a taxi to the engagement party. Clarke recognized the place once they arrived. The bar used to have a different name and different sign, but she would know it from anywhere. This was where she first met Bellamy, and some of her friends. _The Ark_ is what it is now called. Clarke smiled and grew excited about seeing her friends again.

They made their way inside and Clarke liked that it was still very similar to their old college bar that they regulated frequently in the old days. There were quite a few people here, but she knew it was closed for this event. She seen her friends, but she also saw people that she did not know. She gripped Raven's hand because Octavia was already running towards Lincoln and planting a kiss on him.

"Don't abandon me!" Clarke whispered in Raven's ear.

Raven squeezed her hand back and said, "Never."

Clarke gave her a shaky smile as they made their way over to their friends. Jasper and Monty was pouring everyone drinks. She felt a little safer once she saw her group of friends sitting together at a table close to the bar. Harper came up to her and hugged her tight.

"You look great!" she told her excitedly.

Clarke felt a blush grace her cheeks as everyone's eyes started to drift towards her. Maybe she should have went a little more casual? She gulped and sat down with her friends.

"Do you want your usual, Clarke?" Monty asked her.

Clarke felt at a lost for words. Was she able to still have a usual after being gone for six years? She could not drink alcohol just yet anyways, doctor's and mom's orders. She groaned inwardly and said, "No, I'll just drink some water for now."

Clarke sipped on her water and glanced around. It didn't take her eyes long to find Bellamy. He wasn't far from them. Octavia was leaning into her brother, half-hugging him, and there was a woman next to him. Clarke knew instantly the woman had to be his fiancé. She was tall and very athletic. Her brown hair was long and in waves. She was very beautiful. Clarke felt her heart twist in pain.

"That's Echo," Raven told her.

Clarke nodded and did not know what to say. Somehow, like clockwork, Bellamy's dark eyes met hers. He waved at her, and she could barely manage a wave back. Bellamy and the rest that was standing by him started to make their way towards her. Her heart felt like it was going to pound out of her chest.

"Hey, Clarke," Bellamy said as he made his way to their table.

She gulped and gave Raven a panicked look and stood up.

Bellamy had his arm around the brunette's waist and gestured towards her with his other hand. "This is my fiancé, Echo."

He gestured towards Clarke and said, "And this is Clarke, my…my best friend."

"I've heard a lot about you, Clarke," Echo said.

Clarke was frozen for a second until she could put on a fake smile and said, "It's nice to meet you."

She seemed nice, Clarke thought to herself. She was beautiful, well-spoken and seemed to be a good match for Bellamy. Her heart ached, but that was selfish of her. She bit her lip. Bellamy was happy and content with his life, and Clarke knew she had no business complicating any of that up.

More than anything, Clarke wished that she could have a drink right about now, but she knew that was out of the question.

Bellamy was talking with Raven about something when Echo lightly touched her arm. Clarke met her dark stare and Echo said, "I'd like to speak with you when we get a free minute, Clarke."

Clarke's stomach started to knot up at the thought of speaking with Echo alone. What would she need to speak to her about? Was it bad? Clarke wanted to run out of here and back to the safety of her room. All Clarke could do was nod before Bellamy and Echo were walking towards a very tall, athletic man with chin length brown hair. He was handsome and rugged.

Raven saw her line of sight and said, "Oh, that's Roan. He is Echo's cousin."

"Ahh," she turned to Raven, "Echo wants to speak with me."

"Hmm…she probably just wants to get to know you better. You're pretty infamous. You've been the talk since she's been around and that can be intimidating."

"_I'm _intimidating?" Clarke said sarcastically.

Raven shrugged her off and said, "It will all be fine, Clarke. Just try to have a good time."

Clarke sighed heavily and took a sip of her water and tried to pretend that it was some kind of alcoholic beverage. Drinking all that water made her need to use the bathroom. She sighed heavily, and looked towards Raven, but she was in deep conversation with Emori. Octavia was laughing with Jasper, Monty and Harper were facetiming his mom who was babysitting Jordan, and Murphy was already too drunk to be of help. It looked like she would be solo.

Clarke stood up and made her way to the bathroom. She was almost there when someone said, "You're pretty famous, you know?"

Clarke turned and was met with Roan, Echo's supposed cousin. He was handsome, and powerfully built, but she had no want or need to have this conversation.

"Is that so?" she asked while eyeing the bathroom.

He smirked at her and said, "Yeah. The girl who has been in a coma for six years. You've been the talk of our friend's group, but I've never met you. And then you just happen to wake up not long before my cousin marries your bestie."

Clarke shrugged and said, "No one famous here. Just a girl trying to go pee because I've drank too much water."

Roan chuckled at her and replied, "Well, I won't keep ya then, but I'm looking forward to continuing this conversation."

Clarke nodded and finally made her way to the bathroom. After she was finished doing her business. She debated on hiding out in here for as long as she could and then sneaking out quietly. Maybe she could go unnoticed, but Clarke doubted that. She groaned and decided to face her demons.

After she exited the bathroom, Bellamy was standing there, alone. She gulped and said, "Hey."

He gave her a small grin and said, "Hey."

They stood there for a minute, just staring at one another. She wondered what he was thinking and how his night was going. Before everything became complicated, she would have easily asked him either of those questions.

"You look….you look amazing," Bellamy finally said.

Clarke's face became red and she stuttered, "T-Thanks. You look great too."

He shrugged and asked, "How is your first night out going?"

"Honestly?"

Bellamy nodded and said, "Honestly."

Clarke sighed and replied, "I need a drink but can't have one. My head feels like it is going to explode and it's overwhelming."

Bellamy gave her another soft smile and said, "I figured. Even though its been six years, I could tell you were a little off."

She nodded and said, "Well, I haven't changed. Just everyone else."

The words were out before she could take them back. Clarke quickly changed the subject before he could think on it and said, "Echo seems nice."

Bellamy nodded and said, "She is. She's really great."

Clarke nodded and thought that it was a bad move to talk about her. She did not want to hear Bellamy's love for his fiancé. The girl he was going to marry and have children with someday. She could not fathom how she would ever be okay.

"I'm glad you're happy, Bellamy," Clarke said genuinely.

"I'm just glad you're back," he replied.

"There you are," a female voice said as she wrapped her arms around Bellamy. It was hard to look at the two of them together. It was hard to look at either of them in general. Clarke wanted to run. She looked around for any of her friends to save her, but she could not see any of them.

"I'm glad I ran into you, Clarke," Echo looked at Bellamy, "Can I borrow her for a minute?"

He met Clarke's stare and then turned back to Echo, "Yeah. I gotta talk to Murphy and Miller anyways."

Clarke's heart was pounding as Echo and her were left alone together. It was silence for a few minutes and Clarke started to grow uncomfortable.

"I understand this all must be pretty uncomfortable for you," Echo started, "I know you don't know me, but I'd like to get to know you. You were Bellamy's best friend before the accident, and I know you're very important to him."

_Were_, Clarke heard that loud and clear. She _was _Bellamy's best friend. Clarke's heart ached and wished she could go back in time or that she was never gone all those years. She felt so out of place here.

"It's very overwhelming," was all Clarke could say.

Echo nodded and said, "I completely understand. I just want you to know that you are invited to the wedding and you can be apart of it if you like. O, Raven, Harper and Emori are my bridesmaids and there is a place for you if you wish."

Clarke tried to think of every possible way of escaping her current situation. How would she be able to stand there and watch Bellamy vow himself to someone else? How would she be able to be okay with that?

"Can I think on it?" Clarke asked.

Echo nodded and said, "Yes, you can. I have to know in a month though. For the planning and dresses."

Clarke nodded and was relieved to see Raven make her way over to them.

"Hey, you guys," Raven said and eyed Clarke worriedly.

"Hey, Raven," Echo said. Someone called Echo's name and she looked back at Clarke and Raven, "See you two later?"

They both nodded and once she was gone, Clarke felt even more drained than she had before.

"I'm ready to go," Clarke said.

"But-."

"I'll call my own cab, you stay and have fun. I'm just exhausted," Clarke interrupted her.

Raven gave her a worried look and said, "Clarke…"

Clarke squeezed Raven's arm and said, "I'll be fine."

Clarke managed to say goodbye to a few of her friends. Bellamy was another story. She did not think she could face him again so she made her way outside. The cool breeze made her feel less nauseous, and her headache lessened. Figuring out her life now was going to be much more difficult than she ever fathomed. Running away seemed like a much easier option, but Clarke Griffin never took the easy way out. Tomorrow was a new day and she would take it on with all of her strength.


	5. Chapter 5

I just want to start by saying I'm soo so so so sorry for the late review! I have been super busy. I started a new job, and it has been very demanding. Most of my extra time has been devoted to my 10 month old son and my husband. I will try to keep this updated weekly. This is kind of a short chapter, but it's a good one. Good bellarke content. Thank you so much for the reviews, the favorites, and the followers. You guys rock!

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Chapter 4

_Coffee_

* * *

3 months….Time passed by quickly since Clarke awoke from her coma of six years. Her art was her solace, as it has been her whole life. Currently she was painting on a canvas. It was completely black except for a large white spot on in the middle. Clarke shaded to transition from dark to light and then started to put the details in the white area of the canvas. Details of a face started to form. A full mouth, with a side grin, freckles, soft and expressive eyes, and dark curls. Clarke bit her lip, and finally put her paintbrush in some water with the others she used throughout working on the painting.

"Clarke?" Abby said from Clarke's doorway.

Clarke turned towards her mom, "Yeah?"

"I know Bellamy is getting married, but Marcus and I are planning on having a small ceremony soon as well."

Clarke inwardly groaned, but not towards her mom marrying Kane, because he was a good man. Clarke was very happy for her mom, but the idea of two weddings was a nightmare. Just thinking about Bellamy's wedding was a nightmare. It was only three months away.

"Okay, what do you need me to do?" Clarke asked. She wanted to help her mom as much as she could. Her mom had done so much for her and been through so much because of her accident. It would take a lifetime and then some just to make up for it all.

"Will you be my maid of honor? I know it's a lot to ask-."

"Of course I will, Mom."

Abby Griffin smiled at her daughter fondly and said, "Thank you, Clarke."

"Dress shopping later?"

Clarke nodded and Abby eyes were drawn to the painting that Clarke was working on.

"Wow, Clarke. That is beautiful."

Clarke's cheeks warmed knowing that her mom was recognizing Bellamy at the center piece of the painting. Her emotions were poured into this piece. The darkness represented where she was those 2,199 days and the light, which was Bellamy, showed what brought her back and out of the darkness.

"Thanks, Mom," Clarke said, "it's still not finished yet."

"You know, I talked with Lincoln and he said there is some open spots for you to display some of your artwork at his studio," Abby suggested.

Clarke bit her lip and said, "Okay, I'll think about it."

Clarke's phone buzzed and she saw that it was a text from Bellamy.

_Coffee? _-Bellamy

Clarke smiled. Her and Bellamy made it a regular thing to meet up once a week if they could for coffee. The first time was a tad awkward, but with the hour or so a week alone time together, they were slowly on their way back to how they were before.

_Yes, I'm in need of some caffeine. _-Clarke_._

Clarke cleaned off her paint brushes and laid them out to dry. She turned to her mom and said, "I gotta go meet Bellamy for coffee. When I get back, we can go dress shopping."

Abby smiled and said, "Okay, sounds good."

Clarke took off her painting clothes and threw on a hoody and leggings. It was slightly chilly outside. She combed through her hair a bit, but just decided to leave the paint tracks on her hands and fingers. She grabbed her phone and her wallet. Uber was outside to get her shortly afterwards.

The coffee shop they met at was something new for Clarke. It was not a place she knew before the accident. It was a place that Bellamy liked and frequented. It was small and quaint. It made you feel at home. The owner, Sylvie, was super nice and the first cup was always on her.

Through the window, Clarke could see Bellamy sitting at their usual table. Clarke smiled and made her way to him. Bellamy looked up from the book he was reading. She saw the title and noticed it was a mythology textbook. Some things never change, she thought to herself.

"Hey," she said as she sat down.

Her usual was steaming in front of her in a homemade green mug. It was always a different mug every time.

"Hey, I went ahead and ordered your usual," Bellamy said.

"I can see that," she retorted.

He smirked at her and his eyes landed on her hands. "I see that you've been painting," he said.

Clarke nodded and said, "And I see that you found another mythology book to read."

He grinned and asked, "Are you ever gonna let me see what you've been working on?"

Clarke shrugged and said, "Hmmm…I don't know. Maybe one day."

Bellamy rolled his eyes at her and took a drink from his mug. "So I hear your mom and Kane are going to tie the knot right before my wedding."

Clarke nodded and said, "Yes, I have to go dress shopping after this."

"Ahh, I see. Are you…are you happy?"

It was such a simple question. One that you'd think she would be able to answer. She was content with her life. She was happy about certain aspects of it, but was she herself, truly happy? Clarke decided to try to answer part of the question.

"I'm happy for my mom and for you. I'm glad to do what I can for her and to be apart of her big day."

Bellamy nodded and asked, "Are you coming to mine?"

This was a subject Clarke had avoided since the coffee meetings started. Somehow, they avoided talking about the wedding and instead about his time during those years she was asleep, with the darkness.

"Yes, I'll be there," Clarke answered. She took a drink of her coffee and instantly wished it had some sort of alcohol in it to get her through this conversation.

"Thanks," Bellamy said softly, "I know how hard all of these big changes have been for you."

Clarke nodded and said, "It's been an adjustment."

"On a good note, I might put a few pieces of my artwork in Lincoln's show," Clarke added.

Bellamy smiled and said, "That's great. I think you should do it."

Clarke shrugged and said, "We'll see."

Bellamy's phone buzzed and he glanced down to check it. Clarke tried not to look, but she knew before her eyes glanced on the name who it would be. Their eyes met, and for the first time, Clarke knew she was ready to talk about the elephant (Echo) in the room.

"So, how did you two meet?" Clarke asked as casually as she could.

Bellamy looked taken aback and asked, "Who? Echo?"

Clarke nodded and Bellamy pursed his lips. He gripped his chin in his hand and then finally said, "She was in the military with me. I met her overseas. She was put in my platoon, and I don't know, we just clicked really well. She helped me through some dark times in my life. I'm grateful for her."

Clarke could not help but bite her lip. Honestly, Echo knew more about Bellamy than Clarke herself probably did. At least, she did the newer things. Those facts hurt, but Clarke knew that there were always going to be things that only she herself knew about him.

"I'm glad you had someone to see you through everything. I'm sorry I wasn't here," Clarke said genuinely. She meant them to her core. She wished she could have been here to be with him, even in just a friend way. She wished she didn't cause so much pain.

Bellamy's eyebrows scrunched together. Was that worry? Was it sadness? Maybe it was a little bit of both, Clarke thought to herself. "You were here, though," Bellamy said.

Clarke shook her head and said, "Not in the way that you needed me to be."

Bellamy also shook his head and said, "You act like it was your choice or something. It wasn't your fault. You were here with me, all the time."

Clarke had to look away at his intense gaze. Bellamy's warm hand found hers on the table. Her eyes were drawn back to his. They were soft, and genuine.

"Do you remember anything? I read somewhere that people can hear when they are in a coma."

The question took her aback. Sometimes she would remember hearing certain voices, Bellamy's among them, but she hasn't been able to make out the words. Clarke shook her head.

"I wonder what the catalyst was to you waking up?" Bellamy asked.

Clarke wanted to shout to the whole coffee shop that it was Bellamy. She remembered hearing his voice speaking to her. He was the one who brought her back, but she couldn't tell him that. It wasn't right. He was engaged.

"One of medicine's biggest mysteries," Clarke finally responded.

Bellamy sighed and Clarke asked, "So how is the wedding planning going?"

He groaned and rubbed his face. " It's been very tedious. I'm more worried about my bachelor party that Miller and Murphy are planning. Who knows what they have in store? Jasper, Monty and Lincoln won't tell me anything. Echo is ready to elope."

"E-Elope?" Clarke asked nervously.

Bellamy shrugged and replied, "She never really wanted a wedding. I'm the one that wanted one, honestly."

Clarke smiled. It was a typical Bellamy. Of course he would want to share a special day with his family and friends. That was who he was.

"It will all be over before you know it," Clarke said.

Bellamy nodded and then bit his lip, deep in thought. Clarke wondered if he was thinking about after the wedding, and actually being married. Did he have any doubts? Were there any thoughts of her?

Clarke downed the rest of her coffee, and sighed in content. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Bellamy watching her.

"What?" she asked.

He shook his head and said, "I'm glad you're back. Sometimes I think it's a dream when I first wake up, until I see you again."

Clarke couldn't respond, because there was a lump in her throat. She knew if she did, it would come out as a sob, so Clarke nodded.

Bellamy's phone buzzed again, and he sighed, "Well, I have to get going. Echo's cousin, Roan, that you met is hounding me about my bachelor party as well. Looks like he is in on the planning so I gotta go meet up with the guys and do damage control."

Clarke smiled and replied, "Yeah and I have to go dress shopping with Mom. I'm sure we'll both have so much fun."

Bellamy laughed at her response, and she smiled back. Normally, they would hug, but this wasn't normal circumstances. Clarke felt like she couldn't touch him. He was taken and even a hug, for her, would be more than friendly. She held back, but before she could do anything, Bellamy's strong arms were wrapping her in a tight hug. His arms were around her shoulders and one hand was in her hair. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his midsection and squeezed. She felt intoxicated, and she never wanted to let go.

The hug went on longer than a normal, friendly goodbye hug. Clarke could feel something there, but how could she say anything? She wasn't even allowed to feel anything. She had to be grateful for the pieces of Bellamy she was able to have.

They both pulled away, but it took a minute for them to let each other go. Clarke avoided Bellamy's gaze, but she could feel his eyes on her.

"Well, see ya later, Bell," Clarke said as she walked away from him, but she could never outrun the intense feelings that she had.


	6. Chapter 6

I just want to start by saying that I am tremendously sorry for taking so long to update this story! I have been super busy and exhausted lately. I will try not to let this happen again. Thank you for the favorites, followers, and reviews!

* * *

Chapter 5

_Oblivion_

"It can be difficult working with your hands again after not using them for a while," Lincoln was telling her as she tried making a bowl on his pottery wheel. What he was saying was true, but it had always been difficult for Clarke to make something from a glob of clay into a masterpiece. Her excellence showed on paper or an easel.

"You just make it look so easy," she said while glancing at the vase he was constructing so elegantly, meanwhile her bowl was starting to look like a plate.

He chuckled and shrugged, "I've just been doing it for so long."

Lincoln had always been one of Clarke's favorite people. They had so much in common and he was so good for Octavia. He was a teacher at the college they went to back in the day. That was how Octavia met him. Clarke dragged Octavia to her art classes back then and her and Lincoln fell in love. They both always said that if it wasn't for her, they may never have met. Octavia told her she would be her maid of honor at their wedding, so Clarke wished more than anything she could have been there to see that to the finish.

Their second wedding anniversary was coming up and Clarke wanted to do something special for the both of them. Her ideas were short, though.

Octavia was boxing so Clarke asked, "You are having an art exhibit in a couple of months, right?"

Lincoln nodded and said, "Yes, it's the weekend before Bellamy's wedding. I was hoping you would bring it up. I'd like to put some of your art in it."

Clarke nodded and replied, "Yes, I'd like to put some in."

Lincoln smiled widely, "That's great! I'm excited to see what you bring."

* * *

Raven's shop was not overly big, but it was spacious and clean, but in a cluttered genius kind of way. The projects she was working on were amazing, but Clarke knew nothing about any of them. The old cars were shiny, and completely restored. There were some newer ones, but Clarke knew Raven loved to find old scrap cars, and fix them.

There were stairs in the shop leading up to Raven's apartment that she shared with Emori, Murphy's ex-girlfriend. Emori also worked for Raven, and she just hired a new guy, Shaw. He seemed nice and Clarke could see already that he had eyes for Raven.

Raven came from the door of her apartment. "Hey, Clarke! You ready for this girls night?" she shouted from the landing.

Clarke smiled at her. She was excited to spend a night with her girls. It would be a nice evening and she could actually drink this time, which would be nice.

Raven and Emori made their way down the stairs leading down to the shop floor. They both looked great and Clarke felt out of place for a minute. Raven came down and gave her a squeeze. It brought her back, away from the dark thoughts.

"Octavia, Harper and Echo will be meeting us at the restaurant," Emori said while looking at her phone.

Clarke gulped. She had not spoken to Echo since the engagement party, and she was honestly not looking forward to doing it again. She had to accept that Echo was now apart of her life, whether she liked it or not. It was the reality.

Clarke could feel Raven's eyes on her, but she kept her head held high and put a smile on for show. Whether Echo was there or not, Clarke was going to have a good time. She was going out with a group of her best friends and spending a whole evening together. She was not going to let anything ruin it, especially her broken heart.

She would not think about the weddings approaching, or the time that was running out, just slipping right through her fingers. She would not think about how she doesn't have a job and no way to support herself, by herself. She was not going to think about how she did not know what to do with her life. She wasn't going to think about any of it.

The restaurant was nice. Clarke, Raven, and Emori arrived before the others and were seated. They each ordered some drinks and waited to order their food until the rest arrived. They were halfway through their drinks when the other girls arrived.

"Sorry we're late!" Harper said apologetically.

Raven shrugged her off and said, "We all know how it is with Octavia."

Octavia gasped sarcastically as she took her seat and said, "Hey, we can't all look like goddesses so effortlessly like you, Raven. It takes some of us a lot more time and effort."

Raven laughed at her and Clarke felt herself laughing along with them. For this moment, she felt like she was really here. It wasn't like she was in a coma, and it was almost as if it never happened. Echo was the constant reminder that it happened.

"It was actually my fault. Me and Bellamy were talking about my bachelorette party," Echo chimed in.

Clarke quickly took another drink and looked down at her menu.

"Well, when is it gonna be? We have been trying to plan it-." Harper stared to say, but Echo interrupted and said, "Well, I don't want anything too big. I told him it could be tonight, and he could do something with the guys."

"T-Tonight?" Clarke blurted. Her face instantly warmed at her own outburst.

Echo met her eyes and Clarke wanted to look away, but she knew she had to keep it, so she did.

"Yes, Bellamy and the guys are going out and we are too. That was why we were a little late," Echo said.

Clarke gulped. She was mentally prepared for a dinner and some drinks with her friends. She was not prepared for a bachelorette party to celebrate a union she did not wholeheartedly support yet. This was not what she was expecting, and she was learning that this happened to her a lot lately.

Clarke's blue eyes were drawn to the sash hanging out of her purse. Octavia pulled it out and draped it over the bride-to-be's head, and it said _bride _on it. Clarke felt sick.

"I do not want to wear this," Echo complained.

"Oh, get over it," Octavia said.

They ordered their food and more drinks to get ready for the night ahead. Clarke felt herself drinking, more than eating. She knew it was probably not a good idea, but she had to numb herself to the talk of Echo and Bellamy somehow.

"So I hear you're an artist, Clarke?"

Clarke turned to the sound of her name and was met with Echo's expectant stare. She took another sip of her drink and replied, "I guess. I like art, but I don't know if I'd call myself an artist."

"Bellamy told me how good you are. He even showed me some of your pieces. He said you're going to put some pieces in Lincoln's showing," Echo said.

"Clarke's amazing," Octavia said and smiled at her friend wholeheartedly.

Clarke couldn't get past Bellamy's name quite yet.

"Bellamy showed you some of my work?" Clarke asked.

Echo nodded and replied, "Yes, I love the landscape he has hanging up in his apartment and the portrait you did of Octavia."

Clarke bit her lip. She gave that painting to Bellamy the Christmas before her accident. The one of Octavia was still in her sketchbook. They must have went through her things to get to it. She felt exposed.

Clarke nodded and said, "Thanks."

She could feel Echo's eyes still on her, but she started to eat some of her food she had not touched. She washed it down with more alcohol as everyone else continued to chatter. Would this be her life now? Always hiding how she truly felt?

Once they left the restaurant, Clarke was feeling buzzed from the glasses of wine she'd had. They went to their usual hangout spot and bar. It was full of people. Clarke was making her way to the bar when someone caught her arm. She turned and saw Raven's concerned stare.

"Are you okay?" Raven asked her.

Clarke nodded and said, "I'm fine Raven. More than fine actually. I feel fan-fucking-tastic!"

Raven looked at her a little more closely and said, "Are you drunk?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I am," Clarke replied. She knew some of her words slurred but everything still felt clear. She called for a shot and one was given to her within seconds. Clarke smiled and took the shot before Raven could object. It hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Hey, maybe you should take it easy," Raven said carefully.

Clarke could feel some of her anger rise up to the surface of her haze and said, "I'm tired of taking it easy! I'm tired of feeling! Let me be, Raven!"

Raven shook her head and said, "It may not be safe for you-."

"I'm not fragile for fuck's sake!" Clarke yelled.

She saw some people look her way. In her state, she did not care. She did not care about anything. It felt nice to feel that way. Clarke stormed off to get away. She did not want to celebrate with her friends, because what they were celebrating was breaking her heart. They were celebrating something that she could not accept. Clarke could feel her head starting to hurt.

"Clarke?" someone said her name.

She turned and saw Monty. He had a concerned look on his face. Clarke took another swig of her drink. She felt so tired. She just wanted to sleep.

"Are you okay?" he asked her gently.

"I'm fine," she snapped back.

Clarke felt guilty but she could not control herself, and she hated herself for that.

"I know this has been hard for you. I know-."

"What do you know about anything I feel?" Clarke yelled.

Monty only flinched and said, "I know how you feel about Bellamy, Clarke."

She froze for a second and met his stare. Even in her angry haze, she could see it in Monty's eyes. He was always so genuine and compassionate. Understanding, down to his very core.

"I don't know how to cope with this, Monty," Clarke said. She felt her eyes start to tear up. He wrapped his arms around her, and she felt herself start to shake.

"Hey, we are all here for you. I think you need some aspirin and some water to nurse this hangover you're going to have. Jasper stays upstairs in a loft. I'll tell him you're crashing," Monty said as he started to steer her towards the back door to go upstairs.

She wanted to resist, but she didn't. Clarke knew she needed to sleep it off. She needed to get back into control of herself. "Thank you, Monty," she said solemnly.

* * *

"Good morning, sunshine," Jasper said as Clarke stirred awake. On his coffee table was an aspirin and some water. She took it eagerly and then looked towards Jasper. He was drinking coffee and sitting in the chair across from her.

"Ugh," Clarke groaned. Jasper smiled and sat a coffee mug full of coffee in front of her and she smiled at him gratefully.

"Thanks," she said.

"Rough night?" he asked with a knowing smile on his face.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Jasper stood up and put his mug in his sink. He turned back to Clarke and said, "Well, finish up your coffee and make yourself look decent, because you're coming with me."

"What? Where?" she asked groggily.

Jasper swished his finger at her and said, "You need this. Do what you gotta do in there and hurry up. I don't have all day."

Clarke drank the rest of her coffee and then took a nice shower. Jasper left her a pair of his sweats, that were too long and a t-shirt. She shrugged it all on and put on a hoody as well. She felt refreshed.

"Ready?" he asked her.

Clarke nodded and followed him downstairs. They waited until the uber arrived and got inside. "Where are we going?" Clarke asked.

Jasper shook his head and said, "You know, when Maya died, all I did was drink myself into a stupor. I did so many stupid and horrible things. I said things to people I love that I can't take back, but then one day, I drunkenly stumbled into community center."

The uber stopped. Clarke looked to where they were. Sure enough, it was a community center for troubled youth. They got out of the vehicle and Clarke turned to him.

"This is what you do all week during the day?" Clarke asked Jasper.

He nodded and said, "Yeah, it helped me to sober up. These kids don't have anyone. Their home life sucks. They come here to get away, or to stay out of trouble. They come here after school, before school, and some of them spend the night here when it gets bad at home."

Clarke looked at Jasper in awe. She felt so proud of him. He came out of such a dark place by helping other people.

"I know you've been through something awful, and you're still going through it. I know seeing Bellamy getting married is hard for you. You lost six years of your life. I couldn't imagine what you're going through but drinking yourself into oblivion and yelling at people you love and who love you isn't going to help you get through it. I think this will help you like it did me. And if after today you decide that this isn't for you, then I'll accept that," Jasper said.

Clarke nodded and Followed Jasper through the doors to Arkadia's Community Youth Center.

"Hey Jasper," five kids yelled in greeting. They were sitting at a table doing homework. Clarke's heart warmed at the familiarity she saw in their eyes and the warmth.

"Hey guys," Jasper greeted.

"Who's the babe?" one of the boys asked.

Jasper shook his head at the boy and said, "This is my friend, Clarke, Noah. Please don't call her that. We talked about your use of language, now haven't we?"

Noah rolled his eyes and said, "Sorry, nice to meet you, Clarke."

Clarke smiled at them all and said, "It's nice to meet all of you."

Jasper introduced all of the kids to her, but the girl who didn't acknowledge any of them caught her attention the most. Her hair was a rat's nest. It looked like it had not been combed in days, or even weeks. Her clothes were thin and dirty. She was sitting more towards herself, and away from the others. Jasper said her name was Madi, and that she was new to the youth center.

Clarke made her way and sat down beside her. The girl looked up and met her eyes. She looked aggravated. "What do you want?" the girl asked icily.

"Nothing," Clarke said, "What homework are you working on?"

Madi didn't meet her eyes and responded, "Art. I hate this class."

"May I see?" Clarke asked carefully, so as not to scare her off.

Madi met her eyes again and she pushed her paper towards her. It was a charcoal piece of a little girl with long dark hair, who looked similar to Madi herself.

"My teacher instructed us to draw ourselves the last time we felt happy," Madi said quietly.

Clarke bit her lip. She could see that this was a small girl in the drawing, and she was a young adolescent now. Clarke felt sad for her, but she knew that if she showed pity, that it would be the end of this.

"Well, if you add a little bit of shading around her eyes more, it'll look significantly better," Clarke said and held her hand out, "May I?"

Madi gave her Clark her charcoal pencil and Clarke showed her how to shade in certain parts of her drawing. It made a huge difference, and the look on Madi's face melted her heart. "How did you do that?" Madi asked her.

Clarke shrugged and said, "I know a few things. I know you have to go to school, but if you'd like, I can show you some pointers after school."

Madi gave her a small smile and said, "Yeah, thanks."

As the kids left for school, Clarke turned to Jasper and said, "I wanna be a part of this, Jasper."

Jasper smiled at her and said, "I knew this would be for you."

Clarke smiled back at him and said, "Now I have some apologizing to do."

* * *

Clarke made her way to Raven's shop. It didn't take her long to spot Raven's legs sticking out from underneath a car. Clarke tapped her foot with her own and said, "Hey."

Raven rolled out from underneath the car. Her face had oil stains on it, as well as her hands and clothes. "Hey," she said back.

"I just needed to say that I'm really sorry-." Clarke started but Raven interrupted her, "No I need to apologize, Clarke."

Clarke shook her head and asked confusedly, "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I'm supposed to be one of your best friends. I keep putting you in these emotional comprising positions and not telling you about it when you need to hear it. I did not realize how bad you were really feeling until last night. I am so sorry," Raven said sincerely.

Clarke shook her head and said, "Bellamy and Echo are your friends too, and I had no right to speak to you like that when you were just concerned. I'm really sorry, Raven."

"Sounds like we will just have to agree to disagree on who is more sorry," Raven laughed.

Clarke smiled and hugged Raven.

"Oh shit, Clarke! You just got oil all over you!" Raven exclaimed.

"It's Jasper's clothes!" Clarke said with a chuckle, and then both her and Raven were laughing. They laughed so hard until their stomachs hurt and tears squeezed out of their eyes. It felt nice and Clarke felt so light.

"Poor Jasper," Raven finally said with amusement.

Clarke nodded in agreement and said, "It's too late, isn't it?"

Raven looked at her, all amusement gone from her face, "What do you mean?"

"For me and Bellamy. We had our chance and we blew it. I can't ruin someone else's life just to make mine better. I have to move on," Clarke said solemnly.

Raven bit her lip and put her arm around Clarke.

"I'll support whatever decision you decide to make."


End file.
